Now, in my opinion, you have two options. You're presented with two paths.
One in which you can diminish your self-worth and go over every little tiny detail, everything that went wrong...OR you can learn from the experience and blossom into the refurbished you, the one with a shiny new perspective. Choosing between these two paths may seem easy when explained in this way. However, when the decision transpires, unfortunately, many choose the first option.
The length of time the relationship lasted, the intensity of feelings, the presence or non-presence of sexual intimacy, metamorphic life experiences and abuse are all relevant factors that determine the difficulty post-breakup. *** (If you have experienced any form of relationship abuse: sexual, physical, emotional, neglect etc. tell an adult and solicit the help of a professional immediately.) I am not going to claim that every break up should be treated the same. Maybe this advice can not be useful for all situations. But I will speak in general terms about the rebuilding process that occurs after such a heartbreaking event.
I have a boyfriend who I am passionately in love with. Each day my love for him and for us grows. When you share such an extraordinary love like that of which we share, you become susceptible to the idea that your person "completes you." This suggests that before you met this person, you were an incomplete human being, that you were not a "whole" person before this! Rather than allowing yourself to think this way, know that you are perfectly capable of living life ON YOUR OWN. You did it for years before you met this person or fell in love. Many times, life seems unimaginable without that person by your side. It is important to remember that you have lived life without them before, you can always learn to do it again. I always tell my boyfriend. "You do not complete me. You compliment me."
First step: Recognize that your life requires a new direction. No use dwelling on the fruitless questions such as, "Why was I not good enough?"
Next: Switch it up! Find a new hobby. Join a gym. Attend fitness classes such as Yoga or Zumba! Read a new book or reread a beloved old one. Take cooking classes. Surround yourself with friends who will instill confidence and supply fun and adventure. Join a club at school. Volunteer for a local charity. Start watching a new television series. Go swimming or bike riding. Paint! Redecorate your space, (***especially if it is filled with memories of your ex) perhaps Feng Shui. Write in a diary. (Writing can be very therapeutic. I find that writing down my thoughts cleanses my being and can serve as an archive to look back on. When you are feeling down, reviewing a positive journal entry can brighten your day!)
Remember: It is okay, beneficial even, to ask for help. Find someone you can trust. Someone whose opinion matters to you. Someone who knows you in and out. Someone who will guide you in a healthy direction when you do not have the capacity to do so yourself. Whether this be calling your best friend, talking to a parent /guardian, pursuing the advice of a counselor; seeking help demonstrates personal willpower and humility.
Set goals for yourself! This way you have something other than the break up to focus on. My friend who just met that b*tch named Breakup is struggling to find a fresh path. I suggested to utilize the bad feelings to create a game if you will. Mark on your calendar every day that you shut the door to that dark place, every day that you turn away from those feelings that just get you down. Every time you turn away and eliminate the toxins from your life, mark an X. If you end up breaking your streak, it will devastate you. Eventually you will not want to break it! This way you have something tangible that proves your progress. If you wish to truly treat yourself, instead of a mark on the calendar, add money to a jar. Once your jar becomes filled, spend the money on a YOU day. Buy a nice outfit that makes you feel invincible. Pay a visit to the salon and get your toes did. Or buy the latest apple product you have been eyeing for weeks.
There will be some good days and some bad days. Accept the bad days for what they are and tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.
One is not defined by their relationships alone. To quote my favorite book Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, "The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." (This would be a wonderful recommendation for that new book you wish to read!!!)
Discover your new sun! Take the time you need to replenish and nurture your emotional and mental health, because it is important. Focus, you can do this!
Stay "whole." Health is the true wealth my friends.
Elsie <3
I have a boyfriend who I am passionately in love with. Each day my love for him and for us grows. When you share such an extraordinary love like that of which we share, you become susceptible to the idea that your person "completes you." This suggests that before you met this person, you were an incomplete human being, that you were not a "whole" person before this! Rather than allowing yourself to think this way, know that you are perfectly capable of living life ON YOUR OWN. You did it for years before you met this person or fell in love. Many times, life seems unimaginable without that person by your side. It is important to remember that you have lived life without them before, you can always learn to do it again. I always tell my boyfriend. "You do not complete me. You compliment me."
First step: Recognize that your life requires a new direction. No use dwelling on the fruitless questions such as, "Why was I not good enough?"
Next: Switch it up! Find a new hobby. Join a gym. Attend fitness classes such as Yoga or Zumba! Read a new book or reread a beloved old one. Take cooking classes. Surround yourself with friends who will instill confidence and supply fun and adventure. Join a club at school. Volunteer for a local charity. Start watching a new television series. Go swimming or bike riding. Paint! Redecorate your space, (***especially if it is filled with memories of your ex) perhaps Feng Shui. Write in a diary. (Writing can be very therapeutic. I find that writing down my thoughts cleanses my being and can serve as an archive to look back on. When you are feeling down, reviewing a positive journal entry can brighten your day!)
Remember: It is okay, beneficial even, to ask for help. Find someone you can trust. Someone whose opinion matters to you. Someone who knows you in and out. Someone who will guide you in a healthy direction when you do not have the capacity to do so yourself. Whether this be calling your best friend, talking to a parent /guardian, pursuing the advice of a counselor; seeking help demonstrates personal willpower and humility.
Set goals for yourself! This way you have something other than the break up to focus on. My friend who just met that b*tch named Breakup is struggling to find a fresh path. I suggested to utilize the bad feelings to create a game if you will. Mark on your calendar every day that you shut the door to that dark place, every day that you turn away from those feelings that just get you down. Every time you turn away and eliminate the toxins from your life, mark an X. If you end up breaking your streak, it will devastate you. Eventually you will not want to break it! This way you have something tangible that proves your progress. If you wish to truly treat yourself, instead of a mark on the calendar, add money to a jar. Once your jar becomes filled, spend the money on a YOU day. Buy a nice outfit that makes you feel invincible. Pay a visit to the salon and get your toes did. Or buy the latest apple product you have been eyeing for weeks.
There will be some good days and some bad days. Accept the bad days for what they are and tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.
One is not defined by their relationships alone. To quote my favorite book Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, "The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." (This would be a wonderful recommendation for that new book you wish to read!!!)
Discover your new sun! Take the time you need to replenish and nurture your emotional and mental health, because it is important. Focus, you can do this!
Stay "whole." Health is the true wealth my friends.
Elsie <3
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